there will always be evil

I going back to a stage on my life that I hate. People have soo much expectation from me, its hard. It is. People see me in a way that I wish they didnt. People think Im like this ubely duper smart person, but im not. When I tell people the mark I get they are SOOOO surprised. I've lost alll energy to work. I just want to go away, really far away. I want to go back to a time where life was carefree. A life where I dont have to grow up. Why cant I just be a kid forever? I feel like nobody in my life right now care about me. All my friends have best friends but I dont. Nobody knows me. I feel like a lot of people hate me. I feel like my personality is ugly. I hate stress. I want to go away, far far away. I dont want to be here. I have these feelings of wakeless dream, where I am peaceful asleep. I need an escape. I want to break free. If only this, or if only that. Im tired of being down. I need an escape. I need a real escape. And not shows that temporarily take me away for 30-60 minuites. I cant do this anymore. I WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO. I want someone real. someone who can help me. Someone who can take this pain away. I feel soo alone.

a song/cd has lost it;s meaning to you.

Last year at boxing day, I bought the latest cd from 3DG(one x). Right from the beginning I connected right away with it. You could say I was at a low point during that time. The song in the cd gave me confidence. When I was hating going back to school after the holidays, I drew the paper man and 3DG on my bag, and it gave me confidence the next day. I listened to it when I lost hope on anything. Then things started to turn up I got over some of my shyness(I'm def. still working on that), I joined a school team, I was part if the prop crew for our school play, I went to see my first concert(well the first one I wanted to go to). I stopped listening to the cd. Then few months go by and I was flipping through my cd case. The very first cd that was in it was the 3DG cd, and I just sort if looked at it the kept flipping and looked for another cd...after awhile I notice this and well it bugged me.

Today when I was listening to "Hallelujah" by Paramore, I noticed the  song is about not giving up and it made me think of One X. Then it just hit me...

I'm a different person now. I'm sad that I cant relate to One X like I used to, but I'm happy now. And I rarely get a really really low point(you know the point of almost suicidal). I know I'll always have One X a special place on my heart, but it's not me anymore. It feels like that girl I once was, was from a past life that I had.

that was my superly duper sappy story...Do any of you have one? A song/Cd that lost it's meaning to you?

1. Vote on MOD daily ten and as your wild card put Paramore's misery bussiness down...Click here for link.
2. Email them requesting Paramore. Here and at ondemand@muchmusic.com
3. Phone them 1 800 265 MUCH
4. If you are going to a MOD show, ask the Vj's about Paramore or about their videos.

Also Call or e-mail your local stations to play Paramore.

Toronto try:
102.1 The Edge (416-870-EDGE)
or
99.9 Mix Fm (http://www.999mixfm.com/shows/requests)
(sorry but I dont know any stations on other provinces and territorries)

Thats all I got for now. If your not from Canada...you can try the email stuff.
please please people e-mail, call or do other things to promote Paramore. Paramore's name might mean secret love doesnt mean that they should be a secret.

Love,
Christia

P.s. I didnt mention anything about MTV 'Cause they dont really play music videos. You can ask them for them to play live but I dont really know how you can do that

Ok, Riot comes out in Canada on June 19th(I didnt know this but it's my fault for not researching) Anyway, if I buy it at Best Buy does anyone know if I'll be able to get the song Rewind on it? 'Cause on their myspace the baner says release week but I;m not sure if thats only at America

would someone help me please. I'm sooooooo Confused!

-Christia

My cousin posted this on her myspace and I thought it was cool. So here it is:(if you do it please comment of what you think of it)

Grab paper and pencil and number from 1-6 and leave room to write.

These are all open ended questions, so put what you think and don't worry because these are not right or wrong answers.

1. Your walking on a path and you see a forest. Whats description of the forest, how does it make you feel and do you go in it or not?

2. You go into the forest and you see a key. What does it look like?

3. You keep walking and you see a cup. What does it look like and what is the relationship with you and the cup (as in what do u do with it)

4. You keep walking and you see a body of water. What does this look like? What is your relationship with this?

5. You turn around and you see a bear. What does the bear look like and what do you do with it?

6. You keep on walking and now you see a wall. What does this look like and whats the relationship you have with this?

Answers:

1. The way you describe the forest and how you feel is your outlook on life.

2. How you described the key is your outlook on education.

3. The cup is how you view religion.

4. The body of water is what your outlook on the opposite sex and or relationship is.

5. The bear is how you deal with problems.

6. The wall is how you look at death.

I decided just today that I'll start making requests for graphic ddesigns(i.e. wallpaper, user picture...stuff like that)

if you want one send me an email (solely_for_graphic_designs@yahoo.ca) saying these as a subject  "background-*insert name or nickname here*"

Inside describe what you want in it, how big, writings(please no "jane+jack=love" basically no names unless it's an artist or famous person), colour, basically give me as much info as you want.

*IF I DO THIS FOR YOU PLEASE GIVE ME CREDIT*

*note- I do NOT do HTML or CSS stuff so i cant help you with that

-christia

*feel free to add more tags*

OMG OMG OMG! I loved it. It was really awesome....awesome!

Lets start from the line. I was right beside Paramore's bus. I didnt know it was theirs until I saw josh get out of it....I was in shock. It didnt process in my head until, well it still hasnt gone to my head still. I should have gotten a picture with him but the oppurtuntity went and left so I cannot do anything about it now. man do you know how I tottaly hate waiting in line? but before the line moved there was this masked guy(I was guessing it was Taylor) entertaining us. He kept on poping out of a little window it was funny. At first he kept(im only saying "he" 'cause i think it was taylor)on, at first, throwing things like empty bottles outside then when this guy was getting some luggage he was like trying to push the door down(the door opened up) on this guy it was funny then at some point he tried eating tortilla chips with the mask, lets say it wasnt very succesful. Then like a minute later he was asking people what their favourite colour was but no one answered them...I was tempted but didnt. Man I have to look for a picture of that guy. I know there is it atleast one from last night 'cause the girl in front of us took a picture... The guy definately was coool, and it took my mind off the fact that my friend was late...she came at Love Arcade's last song... so I didnt get to see their set.

I saw the last song Quiet Drive's set... We didnt get to see the whole thing because my friend and I were buying a shirt from Paramore's merch...I got this cool shirt with a girl and...well you'll see a picture later(maybe tommorrow) they were good...after them was This providence... they were really good. I like them and I think I'm going to start to listen to them more often. It was funny at one point someone shouted "AUSIE, AUSIE, AUSIE" and they were about to sing a song the lead singer wrote about missing someone...uhm "An ocean between us"? They knew how to pump people up 'cause he kept saying "You ready for paramore?...well their coming soon" Me bobbing my head to their music was a sign that I liked them... Man as soon as This providence's set finished, the dance floor filled up like crrrraaaaaazzzzyyyyy really fast.

ahhh Paramore's set was really good. but the people fixing the set took forever. The music on the background was a mexican band and I think we heard like 3 songs from the band before Paramore came on.OMG! it was super sureal when I saw them. It didnt hasn't sunk in that I saw them LIVE in person... during Emergency some tall  ass dudes moshed their way in front of me...That got me really mad so when some people try to mosh me out of the way I fucking pushed back! then by the end of Emergency I ended close to the front my where jeremy and taylor was. but after that the crowed calmed down and there was more singing than moshing until...well another fast beat song came up. but I was out kind of in the safe zone so I didnt care us much...I lost my friend on the crowd I was worried that she might get hurt but whenever a song was played I kind of forgot( dont  you guys call me a bad friend I'm a huge fan of Paramore and weeelllllll.....geez go ahead call me a bad friend) OMG! I thought they were finished but people kept saying "one more song, one more song". I was sad 'cause they at this point didnt play "presure" or "born for this" yet. BUT I think that was their plan all along 'cause they sang two more songs... and guess what they where? yup presure and born for this. oh by this time my friend somehow eneded up by my side again. OH! I tried getting Josh do his screaming thing but lest just say that the audio was bad and iwasjumpingofexcitementseeinghimdothescreamingthing =D

UHM photos tommorrow as well as a really bad audio videos or video if I mesh it all together.

XOXOXOXOXO

Christia

I was having a good day until i decided to go on myspace and look at the replies on my reply(does that make sense?). I posted this:

You guys check out Paramore, they are really good. they are coming out with a new cd in June. Check out some of their new songs at http://www.fbrplus.com/ , go to audio and click on one song then listen to the other.

You wont be disapointed if you at least listen to them.

Make 'em big here at Canada.

: I wrote that just to get them big you know? 'cause as much as I like being different with some band choices I like, but I still want to walk down the halls and hear people talk bout Paramore.

OK now today I got a reply from this jerk of an ass bitch saying this:

............................Mary Bonney of McLean, Virginia.

Forgot who she was well here's the video

Yup, somehow she was one of the first videos I saw and I was like "thats super ingeneous, I hope she wins" but c'mon how could she not have won?

WHOHOOOO Cangrats MARY.

~C-doggg

OMFG! I swear I keep seeing people LOOK like AUDREY KITCHING!(or Twigg violence if you prefer) It's pissing me OFF! Like Kiki Kanibal, and Hannah Beth. OMG! Hannah Beth is not so bad because the pictures I've seen so far is not like revealing. but c'mon people I swear. You don't need millions of make-up or millions of sheer make-up. omg eyeliner? clothing choices? FUCK! This is getting STUPID! OMG.

I'm sorry if you're a fan of Audrey but pleaseeee....no one has to dress exactly like her and and take pictures like her. She has limited poses and most are profile view, rarely rarely ever a front shot. If you want to take pictures take pictures like I dont know someone better! GAHHHHHHH

I'm sorry but I just had to get that out my system

OMG! whoever say or thinks dragon boat racing was easy....is wrong. the indoor workout is though. Twenty miniutes of running! plus like thirty minuites of weight lifting. Im sticking to it for sure till the end....well if I dont get cut that is. hmmm I really should do some cardio right now....meh ill do it in a few.

It's soooo weird how this is the second time i've been on for a long time this week. I was thinking of running for Publicity rep. for my school do you think it will be a good idea? It's not for months till sign up goes but still I need to set my mind to it. It's not like I'm hopeless in art, I mean I'm pretty good at it in my opinion. I'm not talking crap about my school's current  publicity rep. but she seems like to me not really doing her job well. Her definition of advertising jeans day( my school has uniform/dress code) is a peice of photocopied paper with Jeans  on it with a bunch of writting whats the deal with that? ugh....I'm being a bitch i'm going to stop now.

I've made some stuff on comm. class, one is a magazine cover and paramore is on it...if I got time I'll send it to my e-mail and post it here. Man Comm. class and and apple comp. they are awesome. anyway enough of my chatting whats up with you guys?

XOXO

Christia

Hey ladies and gents

wazzzzzup? well reading my journal duh cause your here right now, anyway uhm Ill continue with what i am plaing to say

New sets of classes. an easy week. I got a spare for the past three days, whoopie. So much fun I wrote on my arm this morning a drawings of flower monsters hehe they are soo cute if I remember I will take a picture of it. =D

oh yesterday when I read Paramore's lyrics for Emergency, I got a shot of realization that its about Hayley's mom. Lyric analization.....

"And I can't pretend that I don't see this...
When no one cares to talk about it,
To talk about it"

-when her mom was being beaten up, they(assumingly) acted as though nothing had happened.

"I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive...So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again"

-She said on an interview once that she heard her mom cry for two years after she left her step-father.

"I think we have an emergency"

-Emergency as in they were being hurt.

"And you do your best to show me love,
but you don't know what love is."

- self explanitory...well for me at least it is

...ok so that was my Analization of parts of the lyrics in Emergency

Oh in another note is Kinky Kiki Kannibal Audrey Kitchings(sp?) 'cause if so....uh Im not saying anything *zips mmouth shut* but they look somewhat different...and shes not wearing  A LOT of shiny stuff on her face.....hmmm I dont know can someone clear it up for me because I am uber confused.

-Christia-

I havent written a journal in like forever. whats going on with me? well as I write this journal I have finished my first exam couple of hours ago. Finally this semester is OVER!!!! four tottally new classes much relaxing classes. After tommorrow I dont have Bafundi anymore, ANYMORE! soooooo relieved. gotta get more time to do art, yay! I want to do sculptures....hey I just noticed I havent done a clay sculpure ever....ever! maybe this is the year to do so.

I NEED A JOB! gahhh. FUCK! I also need to finish my volounteer hours! FUCK!

dammit stupid friends talking to me and the ping's are annoying me ahhhhhhh ok end of journal.

<3 Christia

In a way I'm really sad that 2006 is almost over. I feel like I grew up. I finally start to not care what people think of my music taste. Labels still get me but I just try to brush it off. I found the album that defines me. I realized that my "best friends" are just friends.

Most of my growing up this year was because of Buzznet. Yeah, I know it sounds stupid but it's true. This is the place I found people who likes the same music as I do, and even  introduce me to great artists I never knew before. This site challenged me to work harder in art, well I saw a lot of people's amazing artwork, which made me challenge myself. Like Jac (Vanek) made me want to work on photography more, or Melissa's awesome artworks makes me want to be better and work harder. Poetry became a way of releasing my emotions, and I started to write poetry because of the poems I found here that are amazing(i.e. Hannah)

I also found a great friend here, and she maybe one who knows me better than my friends here in Toronto. Too bad she hasn't been online for a while because shes scared of her parents finding out she goes here and she'll be in trouble. I keep up with her through Yahoo though. She's Rain. Dude I got to give you props. C'mon we're like two different people in different countries that has a lot in common.

It's sad that in less than 10 hours, it's going to be 2007 here in Toronto. I dont want to leave 2006 but I know Im going to grow even more in 2007. I'm scared. I always am though, when I start something new. This is because I know I'm going to do drastic stuff this year.

2007 I hope to grow up more.Be more confident.

My last journal of 2006*deep breath*

XO's -Christia

It's a must. Everyone makes lists at the end of the year...ok most makes lists. But think about it its true.

ok so here's my lists! ...haha you knew i was going there.

Alexisonfire-Dont have their cds. I never used to like them, but when I heard their first single of their latest album (Crisis) and I really liked it and the second single(boiled frogs) is awesome so if I get money this holidays I'll probably buy their cd...but i dont know

Fall out boy-Ok. I always liked FOB but I was never into them. right here and then I'm going to admit something and dont you all get mad at me. I only liked them BEFORE because of Pete...but he got old to me like few months ago. So when I heard their newest single (it aint a scene, it's an arms race) I fell in love and I heard Clip if the other song on their myspace, Loved it too.

Paramore-Nothing to say but...Josh is 19, Hayley is almost 18, Zac is 16, Jeremy and Hunter are 21. What more can I say...Oh yeah! They rock !

Jojo

Cheyenne Kimball

Panic! at the disco

Keisha Chante

Rihanna

Patchwork Grace-Check out their myspace by clicking on  the strawberry.

The Hills

Laguna Beach

Dog the bounty hunter

So that was my lists...I have more but my head is pounding so thats why im stopping.

XO's from Christia

is it any good.

should I buy it or no?

i need sleep sleepy time... havent  been on for 2 days should i update on my life or not...hmm i might but w.e. sleepy sleep time XD

Later

Christia

see the darkness coming

it's aproacing

closer, closer, closer

a small trigger

and it aproaches closer

its going to overpower

see it coming

thought it was over

but it decides to come back

thought never feel it again

but it decides to come back

no point running

might as well face it

NO! RUN!

just a matter of time

its waiting for another trigger

it WILL be back

it wont leave a piece behind

it'll attack again

not fine, never will

piece is left, itll be easier to be attacked

I hate it when someone has this amazing talent and they think nothing of it. Like one of my friends(in real life) is amazing at drawing and she is super amazing but she doesnt even want to pursue a job in the art world, when here i am working my ass off to draw amazing pictures and wants her drawing ability. In my head im saying stuff "HELLO! HERE. RIGHT HERE. I WANT YOUR TALLENT AND YOU DONT EVEN WANT IT." ok maybe she wants it but still IM the one who wants a career on the arts, IM the one who will try and get into the cut throat bussiness.

oh great i sound like jealous person...well i am. but havent you guys ever find a person who has this amazing talent but isnt going to do anything about it and your working your ass off to be good at it, to do something off it.

yeah im going to stop now

-Christia

please vote for me

Shut up.

want to be heard

im crying. screaming

im sad. depressed

im quiet.

why arent you helping me?

falling. falling in a deep hole

darkness. black. nothing.

everything is tempting.

music helps...

but dont know for how long.

smiles are fake. so are the laughs

want to sleep

but never wake up.

want it to stop

stop the hurting.

falling. falling down a deep hole

Hmm. Panic at the disco is going to be at much on the 16th...too bad all the tickets are given out already...hmm im NOT going to wait by their famous window(as seen below) because im not that huge of a fan, dont get me wrong i love them but i prefer not to get a cold and suffer for like a bajillion years, and im not that obsessed with them.

its like 6:10pm and my parents arent here yet odd, esp when my mom has a prayer meeting, oh nevermind...the folks are home now

whoa felt like vomiting for a second there. I hate vomiting...it makes your throat itchy. and it smells bad. lol why would it not be its acid from the stomach. gahhh great now nausea is getting worse i think i shall stop talking about vomit.

Everyone is getting sick in my school...and im next! AHHHHH!!!! no germs get away from me*waves air franticly*

mmm i want mango juice with tapioca mmmmmm.

DAMN! i gotta go my mom is making me fix the fruits and clean my room...ugh i wouldnt do it if company wont be comming

X to the C

haha no i dont to xtc i just thought it would sound cool. Ok now no joke on the name

Christia